THE ADMISSION ESSAY
Each year graduate schools receive tens of thousands of applications and admit only a fraction of students. How are you going to make yourself stand out from the crowd, especially from those with similar grades and test scores?
It’s all in the admission essay – your one opportunity to give a unique perspective on what makes you better than all the other candidates and why you will be an asset to their program. The admission essay not only must prove your commitment, intelligence, talent and integrity, it must also make the reader respect you and feel compelled to admit you.
WORK WITH A PROFESSIONAL
Your essay needs to connect with an admission committee quickly and effectively. Professional editors, like those at EssayEdge.com, will review your essay with a critical eye to ensure maximum impact, clear language, varied sentence structure and compelling word choices.
SAMPLE ESSAYS
The following excerpts show how the editors at EssayEdge.com have transformed these applicants’ admission essays with valuable critiques.
MBA
Before
In the 1990s, globalization has changed the business world profoundly. Companies of different country origins now can reach customers worldwide and cut their production and operation costs through international chains of production and distribution. Today, Gillette Co. is manufacturing razors in Russia, Fidelity Investment is selling its funds in Germany, and Citicorp is serving millions of customers from Asia to America. Meanwhile, global markets are featured with constant changes, intense competition, and heightened customer expectation, making it ever more difficult for a company to gain and maintain its competitive edge. Managers have to take broader responsibilities in the global economy. A successful manager will monitor the competitive landscape and decide if his organization has the strategies, structures and the people that can fulfill its global interest. In spite of the different approaches he may take, he always has to build the commitment to the global economy and develop the necessary strengths for international business throughout his company. Being exposed to global economy does not mean that a company will easily become international. Transiting from a national company to an international one will take an adjustment of attitude as well as operation. Explaining the challenges and opportunities, and addressing to employees' concerns, such as how globalization affect their jobs, are a manager's first steps to make the transition.
Critique
Suggestion #1
The simple fact that your essay is so comprehensive also means that it is hard to follow at points. You have so many ideas that your reader occasionally becomes overwhelmed by the nuances of your argument. To ensure that your essay reads smoothly, I made extensive changes to the structure of your text.
Suggestion #2
Throughout the essay, I took liberties to correct stylistic and grammatical problems. My changes largely took the form of making sentence transitions smoother and more compelling, varying sentence structure to keep the reader interested, and pruning unnecessary words to increase sentence comprehension and coherence. I consciously tried to leave your own voice and ideas intact.
After
Paragraph 1
Your original first paragraph was very dense, and I identified three main arguments, which I separated into different paragraphs.
First, I provided an introduction proper that grabs the reader's attention by expanding upon your reflections on business variability. Second, I expanded your discussion of the global reach of business today. Finally, I refined and expanded your engaging reflections on what makes a business truly "global."
"In the 1990s, globalization has changed the business world profoundly."
This is true, but the formulation of this sentence is too prosaic for an introduction. See the more creative approach that I suggest.
Paragraph 2
The details in this paragraph were misplaced. I have taken your core ideas and have used them to buttress arguments elsewhere in your essay.
"An excellent salesman in the U.S. may not work equally well in China or Brazil. In order to act globally, a company needs the right people with the right skills."
These sentences are redundant. It is better to make your point through an illustrative example than to state it explicitly.
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